What are the dating trends? Can we make a plan already?

We’ve discussed benching. We’ve discussed zombieing. We’ve come up with so many names for people who can’t commit to a Saturday night plan; I’m surprised there isn’t an awards ceremony for it.

But the latest dating reports have me asking a different question: What if the most interesting trend in dating is that people are finally getting clear about what they truly want?

Match’s September 2026 Singles in America study, conducted with researchers from the Kinsey Institute, surveyed about 5,000 U.S. singles. The study found that daters now prioritize compatibility, trust, and emotional steadiness. Similarly, the November 2027 forecast from dating app happn, which included more than 18,000 users across 12 countries, revealed a growing appetite for everyday dates, shared values, and greater independence. Here’s what stood out to me as a divorcee.

The “What are you looking for?” conversation is getting easier to have

Or at least we’re becoming more willing to have it. Match’s report found that singles are being more deliberate about whom they pursue. I see the appeal. At this stage of life, there’s something refreshing about someone who can articulate what they want—and then follow through.

I still love a little flirting. But I’d also love someone to suggest a specific time and place. “We should get together sometime” has had a long and successful career in my inbox. I’d like to see what “How about Thursday?” can accomplish.

The everyday date is having a moment

Nearly two-thirds of people in happn’s survey said they’d shared everyday activities before becoming a couple. Think: walking the dog, visiting the farmers market, or grabbing coffee while running errands together.

I love a good dinner date. But I’m also interested in how we get along at 10 on a Saturday morning. Can we laugh when we get caught in the rain? Do you get impatient when the coffee order takes forever? And if we go to the farmers market, are you willing to help me carry the three things I swore I wasn’t going to buy?

You can be serious about someone and still want your own place

In Happn’s survey, 22% of respondents saw living apart as their ideal arrangement as a couple. It’s often called living apart together, and I suspect plenty of divorcees hear that and think, “Wait, that was an option?”

After divorce, it can take a while to make your home feel like yours again. Once you do, you may want to keep it that way. You can spend holidays together, show up for the tough times, and still go home to your own bed on a Tuesday. The real conversation is what commitment looks like when you have two front doors.

Shared values are coming up sooner

About one in three singles in happn’s survey said it was important to meet someone who shares their political values. I understand why those conversations come up early. By midlife, you’ve had enough experience to know which differences spark a lively dinner conversation—and which you’d struggle to live with.

And values reveal themselves in ordinary moments, too. How do you talk about your ex? What happens when we disagree? If I tell you something matters to me, are you curious enough to ask why? Those answers tell me a lot.

We still want to hear from the person we matched with

In that same survey, 64% opposed using AI in dating and relationships. I can understand wanting a little help when you’re staring at a blank dating profile. But when someone messages me, I want to get a sense of their humor, what they noticed about me, and what genuinely piques their curiosity. Even a slightly awkward question about the book in my profile photo gives me something real to work with.

The next time someone asks what I’m looking for, I think I’ll borrow a little from these reports: I want someone I can laugh with on an ordinary Tuesday, who’s curious about the life I’ve built, and who has a life of their own they’re happy to share. And if we both want to see each other again, let’s actually put something on the calendar before we leave.

What about you? Would you try an errands date? Could you see yourself in a committed relationship with separate homes? Or would you settle for someone who picks a restaurant and makes the reservation?