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Have you met someone special? Are you ready for a new and possibly long-term relationship? Here are some things to think about: 1) Does this person meet your standards? NOTE: after a divorce, go for what you want; nothing should stop you. 2) How will you balance kids, let’s say, if this person doesn’t have them? Or you are on opposite schedules. 3) Do you have similar interests? 4) Can you get used to their quirks? Or is this something that will bother you down the road? --- again, do not settle; however, communicate how you feel. 5) How about meeting families? Did you gel, or did you feel uncomfortable? 6) Do you feel butterflies? If not, you should. 7) Where do you agree, and where do you disagree? 8) Have you researched this person on the web? 9) How long has each of you been divorced? a. NOTE: Avoid entering a long-term until 6-12 months after divorce. This brings too much pressure. 10) What is your end game? Overall, seek your happiness and be on the same page. Now, these questions pertain to entering a new, potentially serious relationship. A few more tidbits: Take your time. Be your true self. Be honest and upfront. Make sure you are equal in your relationship efforts. If you do not see what you want – get out of the relationship. We wish you love and happiness. You deserve it.

Have you been ghosted yet? Do you know what that stands for nowadays? Defined: Ghosting is a relatively new colloquial dating term that refers to abruptly cutting off contact with someone without giving that person any warning or explanation for doing so. Even when the ghosted person reaches out to re-initiate contact or gain closure, they're met with silence. Well, let me tell you, I have been ghosted a couple of times, and it is awful, but it also tells me there are people you would never want to mingle with long or short-term. Both men and women do it when they may find out something about each other they dislike or are just blatantly not interested. This leads me back to why can adults not communicate. When love or lust is new, there is a constant flow of communication beyond texting. If you enjoy time together, you may talk on the phone (Wow, what a concept- pick up the phone and hear the voice of someone you are digging for). Those were the good old days when they would call, and you were so excited to answer, and you may have spent hours on the phone or walking in the neighborhood. Today is about the “text” or social media/dating message applications. You could be talking and vibing with someone one day, and the next, it's like you never existed. Hence the word ghosting. In a recent ghost situation, I had someone say, “Oh, I don't always look at my phone in my pocket when I’m working” – ok fair enough; then there is silence. I said, “Can I ask you a question?” A: “ Of course” Q: “Are you interested in pursuing something or not?” A: SILENCE, CRICKETS. Please note that this person initiated the connection. Dating is hard enough without someone just disappearing on you; even though this indicates a great sign for you to answer, you know- You can do better! Additional resources are below: Here is an article about “ghosting” from Newsweek Why Men Ghost after three months

This weekend we're doing a deep dive on virtual dating because we continue to be in awe - plus every other reaction from horror to jealousy! - of your eye-opening stories. When you're newly single, especially in your 40s, 50s & 60s, it’s a easier to be fooled by another potential male or female paramour. It seems this demographic (which I’m in) seeks happiness and knows what they want; people seem to talk the talk but not walk the walk. This could be because we have been jaded by past relationships or spoiled. However, let me set some expectations – from my perspective. When chatting on dating apps or social platforms, e.g. Facebook Dating or random Instagram requests (please be VERY wary of these BTW) and others. Here's how: 1) Apps: Find one or two and pay for a membership, even for a short period. The reason is that people who are “verified” are less likely to be fake profiles, but there is still that chance. 2) Keep the conversation going on the dating application until you get a good feel for this person. If you are looking for a quick hook-up, this may move quickly, but if you are looking for a trustworthy partner, you will be willing to follow this rule. 3) Clean out: You will see many people on apps that do not fit your filters, and I suggest using the filters on any app that you use. 4) When chatting, as soon as you can, get his/her last name and look them up on social channels, whitepages.com, or the many other search platforms that are out there for background information. 5) Are they married or separated? Daters be warned: cheaters are everywhere, and you may end up in a situation that was innocent at the beginning and then hurtful in the end. Also, watch out for the “open relationship” folks – do their partners know they are in an “open relationship”? 6) Make sure you keep your profile up to date, and hopefully, the person you chose is not using 5-10-year-old pictures. The most ridiculous is the bathroom pictures via a mirror – these people are trying to show off or tease the goods. 7) Ask the right questions upfront, beyond the basics, and see if they are in “travel mode” unless you are looking for something quick and easy (you know what I mean). Now the questions: - Where are you from? - What city do you live in? - What are you seeking from these dating apps? - How has your experience been in the past? - If you have never been married, why? - If you have divorced and married 3x, why? - Get the details with the most critical question being, "what is your last name?" That last question only keeps everyone safe and if you cannot find anything else about them online about RUN...FAST. Dating is always an adventure but keep it a safe experience & always in your best interest. Know what you want and make that apparent upfront. Take care & stay safe out there, Erin

When reentering the dating universe, it can be tricky. There are so many options for dating sites beyond the traditional way of meeting people. I'm not too fond of dating applications, though I have had friends and family meet their partners on these channels. Though I loathe them, sometimes I feel it’s a necessary evil. I’m the type that gets on the sites to see if there are new people, then get frustrated and deletes my profile – even though I have been suckered into paying for the premium services. This still has not called me where I want to be, and reading people online is difficult. Are you feeling fireworks before you meet someone in person? Or are you looking for a Burning Flame (fling)? Of course, it may be both, but I will say the people I have met to date are nothing like their profiles except 1 or 2. My successes have been little, and even if you “like” them, it doesn’t mean the feeling is mutual. I advise asking what they are looking for upfront before getting into a long texting session. I also recommend thinking about what you want if you do not know it is all right. Exploring your new dating world at any age is tough. Technology has forced us to think that love doesn’t happen in the old traditional way…or does it? If you feel the fireworks go for it…. the flames may be the result, but you have to remember it's all-new, and you will make mistakes, but there will be victories and fun. Good Luck out there.

Embrace the changes that are happening in your life. Embrace the hope you have for the future. Embrace the possibilities of finding happiness. Embrace the positive. As you move through recovery and closure, we encourage embracing something new. Your life is on an entirely new path, and you are in charge. You may not feel like it depending on where you are in the process; however, there will be an enlightening moment somewhere along the way when you will embrace your new life. Embracing your life means being true to yourself and not living by someone else's rules or expectations. Living your best life can require choosing your authenticity over others' acceptance. Making peace with the one road we take in life makes all the difference.* You have the power within you to do so. Embrace and learn to love yourself. Forgive yourself and any mistakes you feel you have made. Embrace new beginnings. Embrace love and support from the people around you. You will look back and say, “I am thrilled you took that time for me.” We are here for you along your journey, and please feel free to share the different ways you embrace the world by contacting us here. *Source: Psychology Today

It's a hard one to deal with but here it is: Some people in your life continue to let you down. I had a lot of faith in a friendship I thought would last a lifetime once we reconnected. However, this person now continues to ignore me and blow me off. It's like a gut punch to the stomach, a terrible feeling, and I believed this person was someone other than what I had obviously built up in my mind. Although in all fairness to my peeps, a lot of people told me he was not a good person and didn’t care about anyone but himself. Note to self: LISTEN TO YOUR FRIENDS AND THOSE YOU TRUST. So, this guy and I spent the past few weeks texting back and forth, and we used to see each other more frequently. He is a fellow entrepreneur, so it was inspiring to not only dish, but truly connect about work and all of the accompanying issues. But now? Now, he’s become a lost soul to me and likely many others. I am unsure what has happened to him, and he will not share information. And here's the worst part: It just keeps hurting, more and more. However, I know I must let t his go, right here, right now, for good. And just like that, I have (see my other SJP/Carrie reference below). I know that you so many of you have felt this way about a girl or guy friend. BUT there is no reason to have this person continue to repeat hurting your feelings repeatedly which is psychological abuse. Yes, abuse. So, here's my final message to this man: Goodbye. You know who you are, what you've done to me, and you sure AF you donot deserve my friendship. Especially when you need all the friends you can after a divorce, if not only to reminisce. Am I bitter? You're damn right I am. You've proven to be exactly what everyone told me you were on your own time, especially when it comes to hurting people along the way. But here's the real thing: Shame on me for believing in you and extending my loyal friendship. As Carrie on "S&TC" once said so truthfully, "You and I are so over, there should be a new word for over." Now DD friends, before you find yourself going down this road - and believe me, it's a long one - please ask yourself these three key questions: How have you dealt with the selfishness of others? Why would someone you have a strong friendship with let you down over and over? Is this his/hers/your narcissist behavior? Peace, love, and Happy Thanksgiving, Erin

C is for Closure. The closure is something that anyone in a separation, divorce, or any break-up; closure is important for moving on. Many ask how I will ever feel closure. Can there be closure if there are children involved? Does it re-open wounds when still talking to your ex? Those are just a few questions you may be pondering when it comes to closure. The answer is that it just depends on your situation. (A sucky solution, but it is so proper) Our advice is to start with the little things that can begin to bring you closure. Start disposing of items that bring up the past, whether it's dishes, a journal, jewelry, clothing, or photos that, if you look at them, do not bring you a happy memoir – LET IT GO! Reminiscing about the good times is fantastic, and you will get there, but when you seek closure, sometimes you need to move through the memories to recover. As you have seen, we love lists – here’s one that can guide you: Be honest with yourself and let yourself feel the transition to closure. Work up to being able to have a normal conversation with your ex. Take care of yourself – seek out therapy if you have not already. Journal your feelings; once you have closure, shred the journal and do not look back. Detach yourself from the feelings if you can; think of looking at yourself from the outside and assessing your path to closure. Live in the moment and not in the past. This can be therapeutic; think of what you are doing now. An example I have given is simple things like, right now, I am brushing my teeth and being in that moment. MEDITATE: I can not express this enough. Meditation can help you move to the closure you want. Here are some other helpful articles on the closure: Six Powerful Ways to Create Closure After Your Divorce How to Get Closure after a Split by the Huffington Post How to get closure after a break up by Marriage.com

Recovering from a breakup, separation, and divorce takes time. However, please know that you will recover and become a better version of yourself. You may not have found you haven’t felt like yourself over the past few years as your relationship with your partner slowly deteriorated. That is hard on your mind and body. Defined Recovery means returning to a regular health, mind, or strength state. Let’s identify the how by spelling out RECOVER: R: est. Take time to rest your body; some say I want to keep moving to not think about my current situation. However, sleep is OK, and your mind and body need it. E: effort. Please try to reconnect with old friends and family and tell them you do not want to talk about the situation. Try to go for a walk and clear your mind; you must do this to survive. C:alm. Download the Daily Calm. It has transitioned how I feel about my body and mindset. I’ve recommended this before; if not this app, there are others. DOWNLOAD a meditation map. O: outlook. Your outlook on life may be full of mixed feelings. Remember, slowly, your view will go from despair to grief to hope. It will come, maybe at a pace that is hard to understand. Your perspective is bright – believe it. V: ision. It may seem like the same as outlook, but with a vision, you can manifest the parts of your life you want to transition. Manifest a new relationship, manifest money, manifest that house you want. That vision is key to manifesting. E: exercise. Make sure you keep up an exercise routine or start a new one. I have mentioned before that group classes can reconnect you to a community or join a bike, run, or tennis club. Anything that you may have wanted to try -now is the time. R: refreshing. You will feel refreshed once you go through the stages of divorce, and then you take on the world. I also recommend that if you need a full-on refresher, take a trip by yourself and discover yourself. Keep up the work, and the reward of peace will arrive. Share your story: divorceedish@gmail.com.

After a divorce, be open-minded because this is a new chapter in your life. Being open-minded and not stuck in the old rut can be refreshing. There are so many benefits to seeing the world from a new view. You have new opportunities you never knew because unwinding yourself from a challenging or toxic relationship – can be tricky. Though now is yo ur time to work towards what you want. Reasons why you should keep your mind open: 1. You can explore new activities: let’s say you have always wanted to try kayaking – do it! 2. Lowering your stress level and opening your mind to a world of fun possibilities – is exciting. 3. You may meet new people you never thought you would mesh with and try new things. 4. Travel places you never thought you’d go and explore. 5. Learn something new, take a class on art or cooking. 6. Find new friends that are divorced and probably feeling the same way you are and want to do something new and exciting. 7. Mentally it can be refreshing to be open to new ideas. 8. Let your guard down. You may have been stuck in your ways; however, now is the time to open your mind. We know you can do this, and we have your back. Share ways you have opened your mind and tell your story by contacting us at divorceedish@gmail.com.

Stepping up and voicing your wants and needs through a divorce period can be the best thing you ever do for yourself. How do YOU want this divorce to go? Amicably or not? What do you want from this experience, and what do you NOT want to happen? What do you want for your family? You have a voice now: use it. Some people are subdued by the devastation of divorce and lose their vote for the interim. However, whether you or your partner wanted this divorce, voice your needs to your lawyer or therapist; now is not the time to use your voice to spread insights into your situation. Again, your voice needs to go through to the right person; this is key. It’s not advised to use your voice during a divorce to gossip with friends or trash talk your soon-to-be-ex (even though your friends and family may already know the situation); be careful whom you talk to so the process is smoother. Also, do not use your voice pre-divorce on social media channels, especially when you have a toxic situation. DO NOT use social media to take down your ex. Here is an excellent article by Modern Family Law on five things not to post post-divorce. Whom you talk to is up to you; we recommend a tight-knit group because you never know what the outcome of a conversation can have on your divorce. If you have children, their voice needs to be heard as well. Children are trying to process what is going on, and it's so important to take that time to sit them down and listen. Children do NOT need to hear the details of why mommy or daddy are splitting up, but they need to understand their voice is being heard. Check out this blog post: Giving Children a Voice during a Divorce by Seattle Divorce Services. All and all, use your voice to lay out a smooth plan for your divorce. After your divorce, you will have more freedom to share information; believe me, you will have so many people to support you, and you can fill in the details then.

Intimacy after a divorce can be intimidating. It is almost as if it is your first time (again), even though you and your partner may have had an active sex life before, during, and even post-marriage. Sex after divorce can contain a mixture of feelings. We are here to talk about moving forward and being confident sexual beings. I always asked my divorced friends, “What was it like having sex for the first time after your divorce?” some answered ‘Oh, I entered a “d” parade and went crazy, and it was fun,” or others stated, “It was so awkward like I was in high school or college all over again.” Either way, it's all right to experience new ways and people to figure out what works best for you; many of us are not looking for the “next one” right away. We want to explore and see what’s out there and do not want to settle for the first one. How do you get out there? Dating sites, friends, and just getting out to a new scene will help you meet people that may want some action and nothing else. You must decide your ground rules before going out there or make them up as you go along. YOU ARE AN ADULT; act like one. You are allowed to have some crazy fun sometimes and not think anything of it. The time you wait between finalizing the divorce and getting intimate with someone else - is up to you. Research states more on the side of when should I enter a new relationship after a divorce. Most say to wait one year before dating after your divorce, though for some, that can seem like an eternity. Casual sex is a much easier transition post-divorce and can enlighten your world. Making you realize there is lots of life to live after divorce, and you can do that on your terms. A few things to consider still: · Practice safe sex – yes, you can still contract an STD in your older age. · Have a safer sex conversation. Have you been tested for STDs? · Get used to good old condoms again. · Trust your feelings when “hooking up.” · Rediscover your wants and needs. Here are some great articles on sex after divorce: Reader’s Digest: https://www.readersdigest.co.uk/lifestyle/dating-relationships/sex-after-divorce-its-not-as-scary-as-you-might-think Huffington Post: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/sex-after-divorce-the-dos_n_2577415 Oprah Daily: https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a31956827/sex-after-divorce/ Prevention: https://www.prevention.com/health/a27484181/sex-after-divorce-tips

During a Divorce, you divide many aspects of your entire world into pieces. You start with financials, most of the time, and begin to figure out how best to deal with money. Money is the second leading cause of divorce, behind cheating. It could be how money has been handled throughout the marriage, a partner hiding money, partner spending habits, or debt. Anyway, divvying this up causes much stress in the divorce process. However, money is not the only subject that you must divide. Many people may not know there are other items you need to consider before going down the path of divorce. Here are a few that are the greatest traditional assets - to name: Bank accounts Real estate properties Retirement accounts Automobiles Recreational vehicles - i.e., boats, etc. Vacation properties Life insurance policies Annuities Stocks and bonds Intellectual property Personal property Time Debts Though this is a typical list, what I found I thought about immediately was the division of time. Note: that this relates more to children and could apply to pets. Time schedules for children. Depending on your children, this can be a massive challenge due to school schedules, sports, and extracurricular activities. Holidays are another item that becomes top of mind. How will we split it? How do we trade it off? Let me give you some advice; make this very clear in your divorcee decree because this may get more complicated than it's worth. Due to family traditions – and family in general not wanting to change it up but are not in the divorce. Be clear and firm. Vacation schedules: Divorcing and managing vacation time could also be complex. Aligned vacation schedules and pop-up vacation opportunities will happen; however, define the number of days and times with your ex. Always ask in advance – you would be so surprised how many people do not make this a priority. Several more items will come up that you need to divide and define. Regarding dividing time, I recommend using the Cozi Family Organizer.