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As we head out of 2022, let's do a journaling activity. Could you take time to answer the questions below in your journal? All you need: · A notebook · Pen · Your thoughts Ask yourself these 5 questions: 1) What are three things you accomplished this year? 2) What have you learned about yourself? 3) What have you learned about divorce, in general? 4) How would you treat yourself if you could take a day just for yourself? 5) What are you looking forward to doing in 2023? Please share your story and answers on our Facebook page or message us directly! Thanks much! Erin

So thrilled to announce that the Amazon.com and Amazon Kindle version of my new book Divorcee Dish is now available at amazon.com! Please check it out because there IS life after divorce. In fact, there is a big, beautiful life out there just waiting for you, I promise. This book will challenge you to find & create it. And push yourself to create a new routine for yourself that brings you joy because you certainly deserve it. Also, please follow us on Facebook and Instagram! Xo, Erin

We just wanted to wish you a very Happy Holiday Season from our DD family! We'll resume our normal blogging regimen starting tomorrow & P.S you can now download the Amazon Kindle Ebook for FREE!

The kids will soon be out of school during the holidays, and the New Year is approaching. It can all seem so overwhelming, but I'm here to tell you that now is the time to simplify your life. Let’s say you're past the two-year mark of your divorce and still feeling unsettled; that means it's time to make a change. You're on your own, maybe dating, maybe not, yet the world seems spinning, and you have questions about your heart, mind, and body. But it'll never happen if you sit and wait for things to settle down. The average person “puts off” 10-15 items on their to-do list yearly. That may not seem like a lot at first glance but believe me, it adds up quickly. Some of the top tasks that I continually put off are: Clearing out closets and storage clutter Reorganizing my son’s room so it's not toy overload. Budgeting: I feel like I move money around way too much Deep cleaning my house Spending time with friends Phone calls – I admit I will ignore calls if I don't want to talk right then and there Planning, whether it's vacation, money, or other activities, chores, commitments Talking and updating family Taking time outside the house for a massage or something I desperately need for physical/mental balance Going to the doctor Yard work General home projects, e.g., it took me six weeks to unbox and build a dresser 🙃 Those are just a few things I push away and say I will get to them, but how? How?? Do you think I can make things easier? The answer is YES. But the key is to commit to one thing at a time. Here are some suggestions to get something off your plate: Hand it over: Can you or would you hand over house cleaning? Bills? Cooking? Make time to spend time with friends for support and escape. Hire a landscape company or teen neighbor willing to do yard work Find a friend who likes to organize and see if they are free to help you. Do one thing at a time or work on one room at a time if it involves small projects; I find to get one task completed makes me feel great (even if it takes months) Schedule an annual checkup with your doctor, dentist, and eye doctor; please make sure to commit to it and make appointments that work with your schedule and won't overwhelm you. Work out or simply move for at least 30 minutes a day Eat well and follow a balanced diet. Start doing something for yourself, even if it's just 1x a month. Please be honest: When you don't feel like talking over and over about the same thing (i.e., your split), tell people who are asking. Get some fresh air, clear the mind, journal, and take 5-minute breaks every hour Make decisions and stick to them; do not overthink And last but not least, you do you and keep doing you, meaning no apologies for what you are feeling or how you're acting; you know what you need We all tend to try and fill our schedules to the brim so often; that's just human nature. But it’s not good or healthy in any way, shape, or form. Take some time, give yourself a break, and don’t burn the candle at both ends. Now, ask yourself these questions (we're almost done, I promise!): How can I treat myself better? Have I set boundaries for what I can and cannot control? Do I say yes too much? Can I learn to say no? Can I carve out some funding for support? I guarantee you that you can do it. It's actually so simple. Until next time, Erin

Hey Dishers, I'm back on a more regular blog schedule and am kicking it off with something that's been on my mind a lot lately: Do you often feel defeated? Your divorce is over, you've settled into your new lifestyle, have a great group of friends, then one day you have this overwhelming feeling of defeat. Well, I am currently there (one of the reasons I've taken a writing break) and it's not only related to my feelings about divorce. It's because your kids are hurting (unrelated to divorce), you feel pulled in a thousand different directions, and you must work with minimal play. Then after you complete your work, exercise or work out, feed yourself, and try and settle in for the evening, your body is like NOPE, you can't right now. You're gonna be restless (fan-f***ing-tastic), just what you don't need at the end of a long, busy day. The one thing you need right now is inner peace and contentment. Most days you probably feel like you had it, but then you lost it in the ins and outs of everyday life. Example: My kids are so busy that they say, “I’m so stressed,” which triggers me to feel/say how can I help you or carry your burden? With school, sports, homework, and extracurricular activities, it starts to spin, and now it and I are out of control. You grasp for the calm and pray your body listens; however, sometimes it doesn’t without help. Here's what I've been doing and it's important: I get up to meditate which can take on many forms, for example many, many days I take an hour to jam out, sing, and maybe cry to some of my favorite tunes. And it is SO empowering and soothing. Then I may journal or take my time getting the day started so I don't feel rushed by anyone or anything. Listening to music soothes my soul and helps me work through most crisis-feeling moments. I highly encourage this and as the saying goes, "dance like nobody is watching." In fact, I have a sign in my kitchen that states “this kitchen is for dancing,” and I don't give a damn if a neighbor or anyone else sees me, absolutely not. I have to do what I have to do, and right now, what I'm loving is doing my dance! So, wrap your heart and soul around something you love - music, exercise, meditation, whatever - and take that time just for you. Pinky swear I promise any feelings of defeat will disappear. Let's close with three simple questions and really think about these and how you work them out: How do I cope on down days? What ultimately will get me out of the rut I'm in? If defeatist feelings resurface for some reason, what is my go-to m.o.? Peace, Erin

Remember when you were in high school or college (or God forbid later in life) when it was such a kick to run out of the restaurant without paying the tab due to shitty service or being completely shit-faced. Or both? Yep, the ol' "dine and dash." A hoot and a rush at the time, but now there seems to be a new version we're calling "date and dash." This one's not so fun at all, and speaking of shit, that's how it can make you and the person on the other end feel because it's not always about him or her, sometimes it's you - yes you - with that 'get up and run as fast as I can' feeling. How many of you have thought you may have connected with someone, had a great conversation via a dating app, texting, or in person, then he or she takes off mentally (or worse, literally a la a trip to the bathroom that never ends) like it's the 50-yard dash? I don't know about you, but I'm semi amused sometimes by it but mostly appalled about how grown-ass adults can tuck their tails and run with zero notice. This is not ghosting, folks. It boils down to a vibe: they or you suddenly realize, "why am I even trying with this person?" and "we're on a path to nowhere." Ick. Why does this happen? Well, it depends on what you want and where you are in your 'singlehood'. Are you looking for just a friendship, a glass of wine with someone new, a hook-up (careful with that one), or do you want to explore even more? Before you jump, you need to know what you want and what is best for the two of you (mostly you, and that is not selfish at this stage). If it's going nowhere, cut your losses. And for Pete's sake, show some class and respect and tell them if you're the guilty party calling it a day. That stated, here are a few things to say instead of pulling a total disappearing act: 1) “I've really enjoyed our time together; however, I’m not looking for anything serious right now.” 2) “I'm currently separated and headed for divorce, so I’m only looking for something casual.” 3) “Thanks for reaching out, but I’m too busy with work and don't have the time right now.” 4) “My kids are my number one, and I feel this interferes with my time with them.” 5) “I'm not sure you hear me; I enjoy spending time when we can, but I'm just not ready to jump back into the relationship game.” 6) “Just not feeling this, and I’m so sorry. I know what I want, and I this just isn't it.” 7) “You deserve someone who can give you the love and attention you crave; I can't do that right now.” Those are just a few ways; some seem harsher than others but protecting others and your feelings with this kind of situation is of the utmost importance. You do not want to get “stuck” right after your divorce or separation and not give yourself proper time just to be you. Thus, I encourage each of you to take your time, and if you want to play for a while, at least be upfront about it. Other than anything light agreed upon by both parties can be great. However, there's no reason to simply settle for what you want from life, love, and relationships - you know, the big picture - because it's right in your face, right now, but with the wrong person. Remember, this is your life we're talking about, not a game of dine and dash. Xo, Erin Questions to ponder per the above: Are you in a situation that needs to end? Are you dragging someone around? What do you want out of life? When love enters, will I know?

Here we are, right smack in the middle of the holiday season, and boy, can it cause mountains of stress for anyone and everyone, whether they celebrate or not. The traffic, the crowds (the only good thing about that is that in 2022 people are back out and about after the pandemic, thank God), stores are short-staffed, inflation is at a 40-year high, budgets are limited, you may have family commitments seemingly everywhere and guess what kids? You're DIVORCED. You may want to scream, but I say no. Buck up, take it in stride, and commit to having a good time on YOUR TERMS. First and foremost, focus on what the holidays are about, not the stress of buying, buying, buying. Focus on the good times whether you celebrate Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza, or whatever, and revel in the wonderful people surrounding you: Family, friends, children, and new connections you've made in '22, whether a co-worker or fellow charity volunteer. Being divorced during the holidays can heap mega stress on you, but I promise you can make it more manageable. If you haven't set your holiday schedule with your ex by now, for God's sake, get on the phone and work it out! Be sure your kids and other family members know exactly what the plan is, and do not be afraid to say N-O to anyone and everyone else if you want time with your immediate family or friends who are like family. It seems most families try and switch off or shove 3-4 gatherings in one weekend to save face, but that’s not what the holidays are about, nor is it any fun. At all. Am I right? Yes, I am. Of course, you want to see Aunt Millie, Uncle Bob, cousin Chuck, and the new babies joining the family. You can make time for that, but it doesn’t have to be in December. January can be a bit of a letdown after December, so schedule some get-togethers in the New Year. And as far as those big family gatherings go, can you have a meaningful visit with 50 people in the room? Smaller gatherings mean so much more (and with the continued spread of severe illnesses this winter), I vote to stay closer to home. I love big family gatherings, however, take the pressure off yourself and do what's best for YOU (and your children if you're a parent). Don't let some bossy-pants family member guilt trip you into making an appearance somewhere you don't want to be. Make your feelings and plans crystal clear to everyone, and this may be the best holiday season you've ever had. (Oh, and be sure to jam out to your favorite holiday tunes, it's so much fun and a big-time stress buster! 🎄🎅🏻🎵) Merry, merry! Erin Question to ponder before the big day(s): · Do you have a plan for this holiday? · Are you happy with it? · How can you speak up and make changes if you are not? · What makes you most comfortable during the season?

Here's something to think about & ultimately relish or be so busy you can not think about anything. After a divorce, you may find that you are going to be your best company. This luxury will require some self yourself compassion & taking time for yourself, but it can be GLORIOUS. This past weekend when I didn't have my kids & had no plans, I tried to be a superwoman by doing house projects, working on my Mac, cleaning out my closets & watching movies. However, I did not get enough rest or take great care of myself. It wasn't that I was trying to get stuff off my mind; I was just in 'go mode,' & now that my kids are coming back to my house, I have a cold & am exhausted. My point is: DO NOT DO THAT. When you do have time alone & are at the point where you enjoy spending time with yourself, you can set some goals. But do not overdo them. It would be best if you took care of yourself, your health, and your well-being. Not so simple all at once, you say? Well, pick one of these: 1) Put your phone away & tell only the most essential people in your world you are detaching for a day (believe me, if they really need you, they'll find you; 2) Stay off email & social media for 24-48 hours; 3) Schedule a massage, pedicure, or manicure; 4) Take naps – you do not have to sleep all day long but do not feel one bit of guilt for just letting go; 5) Hire some help (if possible) to clean & help make food; When your kids ask what's for dinner, you can pull out something (make your world easier); 6) Have a friend over & reminisce about fun memories or create new ones; 7) Take a bath & soak while listening to your favorite tunes; 8) Designate tasks you do not have time for & you'll be pleasantly surprised how many people will jump in to support you; 9) Schedule time to block out your schedule & do nothing...zilch...zero. Just because you sometimes have urges to be busy all the time, slow your roll, people. I have learned from many experiences that it's not good for your mental or physical state. Take care of yourself! Onward & Upward! Xoxo Erin

THERAPY: One of the most important things you can do for yourself. Period. There's a heckuva lot of buzz about mental health these days - how could there not be with a pandemic, inflation & how it's affecting all of us? And here at Divorcee Dish, we're getting a lot of input & inquiries about your mental health right now. We all know we all need it, especially if you're going through a separation and divorce. Here's my honest take: Once you're ready to tap into it & embrace it, your mental health will give you clarity & help you recover from the harsh realities that often divorce barrages. Full disclosure: I've been in therapy for over 25 years; I deal with anxiety & depression. I simply needed weekly, sometimes two times a week, treatment. And it saved my life. My therapist is one of my best teachers & biggest champions in helping me cope with minor and significant issues. She makes me FEEL confident and resilient and consistently works with me to help bring peace to my world. Whew! However, not everyone wants to admit they need mental health help. That scares me sometimes, and I worry that people put up an “I am so strong front” and then crash, and their minds and bodies tell them, "nope, not today." LISTEN, listen & listen to your body and your mind. You have to recover from divorce, and your family needs time to transition; to do that, you have to take care of yourself. If you are not in therapy and unsure how to begin, there are many resources for you. Some psychologists specialize in divorce & family therapy or individual therapy for various topics. I wholeheartedly recommend it. I PROMISE there is absolutely no stigma attached to reaching out for help. Talk it out with yourself, your bestie, whoever. You'll be amazed how much better you feel when you speak out loud about your situation and do not keep it all buried inside. Remember, at the end of the day, YOU have the power and strength to heal emotionally, physically, and mentally. And just to put things in perspective, as you transition from married to a single life, there are a lot of surprises along the way (good and bad). Wanna be the rock star of your world as you trek the single terrain? Ask yourself these 3 questions & give an honest answer: 1) How can you benefit from therapy? 2). Do you currently journal? 3) Do you have friends and family that have great therapists? I can't wait to hear back from you! Xo, Erin

by Kirby Adams You don't have to be single or use online dating apps to appreciate the extraordinary real-life love story that led to the creation of Hinge, is the fastest-growing online dating site in the Western hemisphere. Justin McLeod, the founder and CEO of Hinge, grew up about 11 miles east of Louisville in Prospect, Kentucky. He was a kid who liked to be outdoors tromping around in the woods and climbing trees. During high school at Louisville Collegiate School, he still spent plenty of time outdoors as the captain of the school tennis team. The go-getter was also president of the student council and at 16 years old, had started his own web design and software company. "I would build websites for small businesses," McLeod told the Courier Journal. "It was like 1999 and I would build software that would let (businesses) update their own websites like a restaurant that had a special dish each night or a car lot that wanted to advertise certain cars." His entrepreneurship was encouraged by his father Ron McLeod, who owned a building supply company and his mom, Sandy McLaughlin, who was a district court judge. As McLeod's interest in computer technology grew, he went to several summer camps at Duke University where he took computer science courses and expanded his knowledge of coding. One thing worth noting about the young high school entrepreneur — he liked to party, a lot. "I got into a lot of trouble in high school. I was a pretty big party kid and drank a lot," remembers the 37-year-old. "Collegiate started a whole Parent Network thing because of the parties I would throw." Is online dating draining?: Here's how to step it up with 5 tips from the founder of Hinge As an undergrad at Colgate University in upstate New York, McLeod continued the fast-paced lifestyle that had gotten him into trouble in Louisville. During his freshman year, he met his college sweetheart, Kate. But McLeod's bad behavior resulted in an 11-year on-again-off-again love affair ending with Kate moving overseas for another man. Edit ImageAfter college, McLeod worked as a consultant in the healthcare field and perhaps, most importantly, he gave up partying and got sober. He then went to Harvard Business School where he found his niche in the technology field. But something was missing. Kate had slipped away and he hadn't found anyone to take her place. "When I was graduating from business school in 2011, I realized that I didn't know three-fourths of my graduating class," McLeod told the Courier Journal. "The way most people socialize in school is by going out to bars but I wasn't comfortable with that anymore so it made it difficult to meet people." So McLeod began working on a solution. He came up with an easy-to-use mobile dating app which he called Hinge. "At the time, people my age weren't using dating apps," he said. "But I knew there had to be other people like me who weren't interested in putting in all the effort to build a profile for something like Match.com or eharmony.com." He wanted to create an app to help people find others who shared social circles but didn't necessarily know each other — yet. "I wanted it to be more like real life when you are out and meeting friends of friends," he said. While promoting his new app, McLeod was interviewed by writer Deborah Copaken for Cafe.com. At the end of the interview, Copaken turned off her recorder and asked McLeod if he'd ever been in love — a reasonable question if you're talking to someone who created a dating site. It was that conversation, rather than the Cafe.com article, which truly sparked the publics' interest in Hinge. Copaken used the conversation she had with McLeod once she'd wrapped up the interview to write her 2015 New York Times "Modern Love" essay, “When Cupid is a Prying Journalist.” In the essay, Copaken recounted what occurred after she turned off her audio recorder and McLeod revealed his heartbreak. He was 30 at the time and still pining over Kate. He had created the dating app hoping to meet someone new but four years later, McLeod explained he had yet to find someone as great as his college sweetheart. Copaken understood lost love and told McLeod about her own missed opportunity with a man decades before. She convinced him that he would always regret it if he didn't give it one last shot with Kate. So the app developer flew to Switzerland to ask her to call off her wedding to the other man and move back to New York with him. Much to McLeod's surprise, Kate did and the two were married in Crested Butte, Colorado in 2018. In 2019, they welcomed a son.

I was dating after the divorce sucks. I sometimes feel as if I can be positive, but then I get let down repeatedly. Do you ever feel "he's just not that into you"? Well, I'm in it. I went on a date with someone a couple of weeks ago, and we had a blast. Dinner was eh, and we were both nervous; however, I made the best of it. Though he started the conversation by saying that he has NO time, he gets up at the crack of dawn, works 12-14 hours, works out, then sleeps "naps." In my head, I was like, "then why are we here?" (red flag one) ., but then I thought I was determined to have a good night. We proceeded to have drinks at a dive bar, and he immediately asked me out after that for the following Monday. Although he never confirmed and then called to say, are we one (red flag two); next, he said well, when are you free? I said, "Thursday," and we planned on then. He arrived and was overwhelmed by work. I had wine and snacks ready for us, and we were going to walk up to get dinner. Yet, alas, he goes to work, probably not needed but going for a promotion, so he feels as if he needs to, so we probably spent an hour together, then he left. 4 hours later, he was done (red flag 3). NOTE to all: Do not leave a date hanging unless it's life or death, or kids emergency, etc. He said oh, I will make it up to you on Friday, don't worry, and I'm so sorry. Friday comes, he calls me "on his way home," and I say, " so we are not on for tonight" - "I intended to take you out, but when you didn't answer your phone at 1 p.m., I figured you were busy with work, I even bought a 5-hour energy drink to take you out." My head, "seriously?" so I forgo other plans to wait for this guy (red flag no 4). He then goes to a concert as planned with his family and calls me to tell me he's leaving. I do not see a word from him, so I text---did they play this song? Response no, then crickets. The following day I hear NOTHING until around 7 p.m., just checking in and asking me out for Tuesday or Wednesday. On Tuesday, he checks his phone multiple times during dinner, not paying much attention to me. (red flag no. 5). We did have a good night, and I was happy I gave him a chance. I told him I was free the following night. He then calls me at 6 p.m. I'm headed home, and I'm wiped out. I even offered to make him dinner and let him chill after a long day. - "I appreciate it, but I'm going home to nap." Do I hear from him - not until after work, then Friday calls, on the way home from work, talks about a big weekend at the lake, lots of fun, and sleeping? Does he say, "when can I see you again?" or "hey, I know we just met but come down for the weekend" -NO. Then I discovered he had left his glasses there- I texted are these your response "yes, smiley face," Me: "do you need me to overnight them or something" - "no, they are from amazon, thank you for being so kind." (red flag--- I've lost track)." I text back "sure" and "See you "....because I am done with you. The moral is to watch out for the early red flags and RUN. This person is self-absorbed and focused on their career and money. I'm there, but I care more about people than money. Good Luck out there. Watch out for these signs!

You are freshly divorced and wondering what to do with your newfound time. You may have kids 50/50 or 100 % of the time. Though there are many times, you may be by yourself and curious. Curious about what is out there and the potential for a new connection. Our best advice is to slow your roll. Have some fun first and foremost because you need to release away from all the emotional tolls of a divorce. Don't take yourself or anyone else when you are freshly divorced. You may have been separated for an extended period, so you may feel like a connection is needed; however, hold up. Most say to wait up to six months before actually proceeding forward in a relationship. Expect it to be weird. Dating at any age is hard, but as we get older, it gets more interesting. Do not share much personal information when you first meet someone online; you may run into a fake profile. They shower you with compliments, but you go round and round messaging. We recommend a couple of weeks of staying within an app before giving out your phone number. On your profile, state what you are looking for; if you do not know - say it. It is OK; you need to explore and feel comfortable talking to this person in time. You will figure out what you want, and don't be afraid to set high standards. Lastly, before you meet them, please ask their last name and when you do meet, tell your friends where you will be, share your location on your phone and have a code if you feel uncomfortable and get out. There are many online opportunities to meet people, but to meet someone randomly in person is more challenging.