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OK ladies, as a woman of a certain age, likely you've had a child or two (or three, maybe four, or more), and now you're getting divorced. You look in the mirror or try on a pair of last year's jeans & OH EM GEE. But it's not just all of us moms; men can also experience the dreaded “Mom" pre-menopausal body, also known as - God forbid - the "Dad" body & you're now uncool in the eyes of everyone 😄 It happens innocently enough as you raise your children and start snacking off their plates. Then you find yourself snacking your way through the day. Then you wheel up to the drive-through of everything and while you're there, you grab a little something. Add to the mix outside activities: Get little Joey to soccer practice, Bella needs to dance, and Sam needs to go to field hockey. What do you do? Skip nutrition. Call yourself a hamster because you're on your own circular treadmill, a constant spin cycle that takes you immediately to an unhealthy feeling. Face it: You're a single parent, and on your “off” days - I say that with my eyes rolling up out of my head as I type this - we are NEVER truly off. You do your damnedest to get things done around the house, go to work; learn about your new single lifestyle; think (and hopefully know) that your life has changed, and start thinking about dating and intimacy again. This is when you do not only a physical self-assessment but a mental one as well. So there's that word again: Intimacy. WHAT? You feel as you do feel after being married with kids and you wonder how feelings of intimacy can still exist. Does it at this stage? Yes, it does. And while it's different later in life, regardless of your body type, don't dismiss those thoughts; embrace them, for Pete's sake! I touch on this because I have had so many divorcees (primarily women) say to me, "Oh, I have so many battle wounds from babies, surgeries, and other things that make me run from feelings of getting involved with someone, much less intimate." Add to that the men with the beginning of man boobs, and it seems like a pity party for all with no happy ending. But wait just one minute... Remember, you are in an emotional, physical, and mental transition right now. Sure, everyone later in life thinks back to the times they were in the best shape of their lives, but that may or may not be the current case. And it may never be again, but don't let that hold you back. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps, face the moment (and that body in the mirror) and remember that this new life chapter is all about new beginnings, shared experiences, and what could possibly be a whole fresh start. You are beautiful inside and out no matter what!

The effects on children and divorce vary between night and day. Some children are too young to remember, then others it has traumatized or affected them in some way, shape, or form. Let's discuss 7 things you can do to make children feel safe and to help them through this process. No. 1: Do not fight about anything in front of the kids, and this behavior terrifies a child who doesn't understand what is happening to their family. No. 2: Get them on a consistent schedule immediately if we are in a custody battle for whatever reason - do not speak about it in front of the children. Make a schedule that they understand and know where they go daily. No. 3: If you are an adult, try to control any bashing of your soon-to-be ex-partner. Those are the things kids remember. For instance, when I was about 20-23, I asked my parents to please stop- I was still trying to navigate the new world and wanted relationships with both my parents. Much bitterness was happening during my parent's divorce; I was 15 and started acting out because of it. No. 4: Talk to your kids at their level. If they are younger, i.e., under 13, sit down and tell them in a way they can process and let them ask questions. It was a reeling pain when we told our kids, even though they suspected something was up. Idea: Prepare answers in advance and refrain from deflecting from those. No. 5: Make both places they like to feel like home. I find many children do not feel comfortable. There is undoubtedly the whoever keeps the house scenario. If children have "grown up" there, that house may feel like home. They will adjust over time in the beginning (even though I encourage keeping to a schedule - be flexible). No. 6: Focus on the children. Take them to do something or start a new tradition that they will remember and where they will feel special. This is so important -even though you are hurting, remember they are too and doing something fun: hiking, bowling, walking, riding bikes, going to a local festival. It can all start a new pattern of happiness. No. 7: You are human, and it's all right to be sad in front of your kids as long as you are not in a fight with your ex. It's ok to cry; this is a huge transition for you too. It would be best to practice self-care to implement all or some of the above. Tell your kids if you feel comfortable with "why" you are crying, and help them understand that this is not a sign of weakness. It's being HUMAN, and it is OK. Journaling activity: 1) Have you told your kids? How did they react? 2) How are you feeling? 3) How is your relationship with your ex? 4) What can you do to emotionally support your kids? Just a few questions to get you thinking. My heart is with you during this painful experience.

The time you and your spouse decide to separate can give you peace and grief, making the scenario one of the most complex decisions of your life. Does separation mean it’s over? I mean, officially over. Does it mean we are still hanging on to what’s left of a marriage? Can you go back from a separation to a committed relationship? Does therapy help you sort this out? The answers to those questions are entirely dependent on your situation. When I see someone post that he or she is “separated” on a social network or dating site, I think, “Why the announcement to the public?” Is that meant to imply I’m free for a bit or forever? And then there’s this: Is the one stating this is trying to hurt the other person? Are they crying for help because they are sad and lonely? All these questions lead to the one at the gut – pardon the pun – of the situation: Is it truly the end or are you still trying the ‘cuts like a knife into your heart’ routine? According to a quick search on Google: “Statistically, 80% of couples who enter a marital separation end up divorcing. And, on average, they remain separated for three years before finalizing their divorce. On the other hand, on average, 10% of those who separate reunite within two years.” Which leads me to ask-Why? Yes, 80% may end in a divorce, but per the above, it could be years before you decide which avenue to go down. Sadly, that is a lot of time for suffering and confusion for you, your partner, your children, and your family. Additionally, separated couples live in the same household for months and years and end up like roommates who do not speak, which is unhealthy for everyone involved. Needless to say, this creates an almost unbearable, underlying tension that makes everyone completely miserable. My advice? If you can make it happen when you decide to separate from your partner, really separate to find clarity in what you want for the future. Seek therapy for you and your partner; couples counseling may help. And don’t forget this if you’re wavering: If it’s over, it’s OVER. Rip off that band-aid and move on if your gut tells you it won’t work. Life is too short to be miserable; it is no fun for anyone, especially you. Remember, you may or may not realize you're making those around you miserable. Back to manifesting – you can display a happier life; you have to decide what is best for you, and no one can tell you this but YOU. Peace, Erin

You have reasons for wanting to rekindle the intimacy in your life, but you're not sure how to do it. That's okay! We're here to help. All you need is information on how to get started and where to go from there. You're not in a dating relationship but want to be intimate. You can be close to your friends, family, and pets, and you don't have to have a partner to experience intimacy. Intimacy is about physical or emotional connection and being yourself around someone else. It might seem like an obvious thing, but many of us don't spend enough time alone so that we know our feelings well enough before we enter into relationships (which is why many people find themselves getting into bad ones). It's just as vital for you to connect with yourself as it is for others--if not more so! Spending time alone has been shown in studies conducted by Harvard Medical School researchers Paul J Zak & Stephen W Brown "to increase levels of oxytocin (the "love hormone") which promotes feelings of trust between two individuals." When you're in a relationship, and things aren't going well, it can be hard to know what to do. You may feel like you're the only one who wants sex or intimacy, but this isn't true! Your partner might need some time and patience before they get back into the mood. If your partner is showing signs of being interested again (like flirting), wait until they initiate it before making any moves yourself, or if it takes too long –say, “Hey, what is up?”. Work on building trust and communication between each other so that when one person does want more intimacy again down the road (or right away!), both partners will be ready for what comes next. You want to meet someone new and see where it goes; to be open to new experiences, you need to feel comfortable with the person and know they won't judge or hurt you. You also want them to care about your well-being and respect your boundaries. If someone has any of those qualities missing, it's best not to refrain from pursuing anything further with them. When you are in a dry spell, it's important to remember that intimacy cannot be forced or rushed. The best way to get through an intimacy dry spell is by taking your time and getting to know the person you want to be intimate with or just going crazy and having some fun (if you cannot wait any longer). There are many reasons why you might be in an intimacy dry spout. You may be dating someone new, or you may need more time to jump into a relationship. Whatever the case, remember that it's okay to take things slow and let yourself get to know someone before jumping into bed with them! Unless you feel an immediate connection and are comfortable jumping in bed with them immediately. Let me reinforce that you can make your world what you want it to be, and just being open and honest about your needs is an excellent foundation for you and potential partners. We encourage you to do what is best for you now! Erin

You can do plenty of things to keep from texting your ex, like reaching out to someone else for help or getting into another relationship. But if you're determined not to text them and don't want them in your life, follow these simple steps: Don't text your ex; wait 2-4 minutes and think about the text before you hit send. Texting is not an excellent way to communicate, it's too easy to get lost in translation, and you may need help to understand what your ex is trying to say. If you text, make sure it isn't a drunken text message or one you will regret later when sober. If you need to reach out, call their phone or send an email. Texting is not an excellent way to communicate with someone who has broken up with you or left your life. If you text, make sure it's short and to the point. If they don't respond right away (or ever), leave them alone until they've had time to move on from this relationship that ended for both of you. Do not text or message them when upset or angry with them. That will only make things worse. Do not drunk text or message your ex. It's a bad idea, and it will make things worse. You can get in trouble for sending texts while intoxicated. You might even say things you don't mean or remember later, leading to future misunderstandings and fights between the two of you. It's a good idea to text your ex during business hours. After all, they're an adult, right? They can make their own choices. But the truth is that there are many reasons why they might not want to engage with you at that moment. They could be busy with work or have plans with friends or family members who don't know about you yet (if you broke up). They may also be focused on hobbies or passions that take up most of their time--and if so, texting will probably not help them feel less stressed out about those things. If they are trying to reach out to you, give them space and time before answering their call or responding to their message. This way, they will know that you still care about them, but not so much that you seem desperate for their attention. If they are trying to reach out to you, give them space and time before answering their call or responding to their message. This way, they will know that you still care about them, but not so much that you seem desperate for their attention. For example: if your ex texted "Hey" and then didn't follow up with another message, then it might be best not to respond right away because this could lead to a conversation where both parties are trying to get the other person back, which can lead down a negative path where neither party gets what they want (i.e., closure). It's a simple rule, but it's one that many people seem to need help following. If you're thinking of reaching out to them, ask yourself if there's another way to contact them instead of sending a text message. If the answer is yes (and it should be), then reach out in any other way possible--email, calling their phone, or even instant messaging them on social media platforms like Facebook Messenger or WhatsApp if they'll accept your friend request (and if not, consider unfriending). These tips will help you avoid the pitfalls of texting your ex! Restrain my friends, Restrain, Erin

Divorce can significantly impact the mental health of the children involved. Studies show that kids whose parents are in the throes of divorce have higher rates of depression and anxiety than their peers in intact families. Additionally, these kids may struggle with guilt, shame, and confusion about the reasons behind their parent's separation. Thus, parents need to provide significant emotional support and open communication during this difficult time to help their children cope with the changes in their family structure. If you are a parent going through a divorce, there are several things you can do to help your kids cope and notably include: - Ensure that they receive support from both parents. - Encourage open communication and validate their feelings throughout the process. - Be honest with them about what's happening but avoid sharing too many details. Here's a biggie: Balancing honesty and age-appropriate information is essential. Experts recommend that parents explain why a divorce is happening without blaming or demonizing the other parent is necessary. Children must know they are not at fault and that both parents still love them. Parents should also reassure their children that even though their family is changing, they will still be cared for, and everything will be OK. Next: Prioritizing open communication and emotional support for children is crucial during and after a divorce. Parents can involve their children in appropriate decision-making, such as choosing custody schedules and living arrangements. Ensuring that both parents play an active role in their children's lives is essential, as maintaining a sense of routine and stability can ease the transition. Additionally, I urge you to seek support from a therapist or counselor who can provide parents and children with the tools they need to manage the emotional challenges of all stages of a divorce. I hope this helps you navigate how you can support your children during this challenging period in all your lives. Best of luck with everything, Erin

Do friends forget about you after your divorce? You've gone through a divorce either recently or years ago and are feeling distant from the social world. The first few months are rough, but eventually, you get used to the idea that your life has changed forever. But then something happens; some of your friends seem to need to remember you regarding social events. Say, you last got invited to a party months ago. You should be asked to parties, even if it’s a couple's event. You should be invited to family gatherings, and you should be invited to social events and get-togethers. If you last asked months or even years ago, it may be time for a conversation with the person hosting (or planning) the event. If this is a friend or coworker who has forgotten about you, ask them why they haven't included you lately--and allow them to make amends by inviting you next time! Your friends are no longer interested in your life. This may hurt you a little, but it's a good thing! When you were married and had kids, you were part of their family--your divorce is not their problem. They don't want to hear about your ex-partner or what happened between you; they want their friend back. Your friends don't want to get involved in your divorce, and they don't want to be seen as taking sides and fear that saying the wrong thing could cause them more problems. Maybe they forgot that you're still around after your divorce (this my sound silly, however it happens). Perhaps they forgot that you're still around after your divorce. Maybe they're so used to seeing you as part of a couple that it doesn't occur to them that you might still be single. You are still the same person; however, when your life changes so dramatically, you move, or you are not running in the same group, it may be helpful to remind them by letting them know how happy you are now and how much better life is for everyone since the divorce. Don't let them forget! Remember that you still have feelings and needs, even after your divorce. If someone forgets about you or doesn't invite you to something because they think it might be awkward, tell them how much it hurts. If they still don't care, then it's time for some new friends who do. If you have experienced this, please share your story and solutions. Because we still like to be invited :)! Erin

Dating in your 50s is much different than in your 20s or 30s, and it's about romance and finding someone to spend time with who shares your values and interests. While you might only be able to go out on the town sometimes, there are still plenty of ways for singles over 50 to meet people. When you are 50, the world doesn't seem the same as when you were 25, and you have more responsibilities and life experiences. It may also be harder to meet people who share similar interests because they don't live near where you do or because their schedules don't align with yours as quickly as they did in your 20s and 30s. Focusing on your career makes meeting people who share your interests and values harder. You may have noticed that the most successful dating people are those with a career and a life outside of work, and this is because they have something to discuss besides their jobs, making meeting people who share their interests and values easier. If you still need to reach this point in your career (or if your job doesn't provide many socializing opportunities), it's time for a change. Finding someone can be hard when all your energy goes into work. Still, if you want to find love at 50+, then you need to make some changes now so that by the time retirement comes around, there will be more time available for dating without feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities or tired from working long hours every day. Age is just a number, but it has its limits. You might be thinking, "Age is just a number!" But the truth is that it does have its limitations. You may be able to date someone younger than you, but certain things could make your relationship difficult or even impossible. For example: If your partner wants kids and you don't want any more children--that could cause problems in the long run. Or they may have different interests from yours (like sports). Or they may have financial goals that don't match up with yours at all. You may want to date someone who can teach you something new about life. When you are 50, it's important to remember that there are many places to meet people. You don't have to limit yourself by only dating someone your age or younger (or older). Dating can be an excellent way to learn new things about life, even if your date doesn't know much more than what they've learned in their 50 years on this planet! You may want someone closer in age because it makes things easier and less complicated--but that doesn't mean you should stop looking at other options altogether just because they're not "perfect" according to some standards. Yes, dating can be challenging in your 50s! The good news is that it's more difficult to meet people when you're 50. The bad news is the same. It's harder to meet people! The dating world has changed so much since your 20s and 30s, especially for women: we have different ideas about what we want from a relationship. We may be more cautious about getting involved with someone because of our own past experiences (or those of friends). We also tend to have little time for casual dates or flings anymore--we want something serious but need to know where or how to find that person who fits our criteria precisely (and vice versa). We hope we've convinced you that dating is worth it, even at 50, if you're looking for love and want to connect with other singles in your area. With love, Erin Time to Dish: What have you experienced dating at 50 and younger? What is the best way to meet new people? Do you use dating apps? What are you looking for in this next chapter?

Actually, it is. And like all trends, this one has social and economic implications beyond the individuals involved in the divorce. The facts and figures surrounding divorce are essential to know individually, but they can also tell us how society is changing. You may hear, "Divorce rates have been declining in general." Divorce rates have generally been declining, as much as 50%, since the 1970s, and it's lower now than in the 1950s and 1930s. Sounds good, huh? Maybe, maybe not... Then there's this: "More women are filing for divorce." According to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, more women are filing for divorce than men, and this trend isn't slowing down. Women initiate 70% of divorces, skyrocketing to 90% when college-educated. Here's the rub: In many cases, wives file for divorce because they feel their husbands have become abusive or neglectful. Other times, they want to start over with someone new while maintaining custody of their children. Regardless of what drives them, women who initiate splits tend to do so because they don't feel valued by their partners anymore, not because they're unhappy with themselves or their lives. So, what is it? With less stigma surrounding single-parent households today and more significant economic opportunities thanks primarily due to advancements made during second-wave feminism decades ago, divorced mothers often find themselves able to support themselves financially without needing assistance from exes who may not even care about providing such support anyway. BAM! "More people are getting married later in life." True, more people are indeed getting married later in life. According to the census bureau, the estimated median age to marry for the first time was 30.4 for men and 28.6 for women in early 2021, up from ages 23.7 and 20.5, respectively, in 1947. Nevertheless, the reason for this trend is simple: More people are finishing their educations and establishing themselves professionally before they settle down with someone and start a family. And once you've done all those things and saved enough money to support your future spouse, you'll feel ready for marriage! "Divorce is more common among people with college degrees than people who haven't attended college." As you may have heard, divorce is more common among people with college degrees than people who haven't gone to college. This trend has been around for decades, and it continues today. According to the National Center for Family & Marriage Research, 50% of marriages end in divorce if they last ten years or more. The same study found that college graduates are less likely to get divorced than their non-graduate counterparts: only 24% do so after ten years of marriage. How about that for education? "Women initiate three out of five divorces." Yes, women are indeed more likely to initiate divorce than men. For example, three out of five divorces are started by women in the U.S. Why? The gender gap is even more pronounced in countries where women have more rights and opportunities. For instance, in Sweden and Norway - where there's been a sharp increase in female-initiated divorces- 70 % of all splits were instigated by wives. In Germany and France, it was 66%; in England, it was 60%; and in Japan, 49% were initiated by females (with the rest being mutual decisions). In addition to being older and having children, another factor that increases the odds of your ending up single maybe your personality type. Did you know that according to some experts' research on why people are more likely to get divorced, neuroticism (a tendency toward mood swings) has been linked with higher rates among both men and women alike? Especially among men who are "sensitive" or "softer-hearted." Certain personality types may have less tolerance when married life starts feeling stale after years together. These are some fascinating takes on what divorce means in our society today. Perhaps it all boils down to this: As the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin, sang Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves, Bruno Mars crooned When I Was Your Man on the flip side. What's your take? Until next time, Erin

A manifestation of something is one of the different ways it can appear. You may have heard the word manifest used in many ways over the past few years, especially when creating a world you want and crave. I have heard it often lately regarding relationships and work . “Manifest what you want, make it happen?” someone once told me. You can create the world you dream of just by thinking and believing that something you want will happen. So, let’s break it down a bit more to fully embrace the concept of manifesting your life. We will relate this to the divorcee world and your future. M: Making a world in which you are your happiest can happen because you have the power to move your mindset to a better place. A: Align your thoughts and feelings as if they are honest and your wants and needs are already where you want them. N: Never derail your thoughts and think this cannot happen because it’s a proven fact it can. One way is journaling your thoughts as if you are in this happy place. I: Imagine. Close your eyes and imagine you are already with the love of your life, or you have that job you want or the home you have been dreaming of all your life, and it is yours! F: Feel the feels. How does manifesting make you feel? Does your chest fill with joy automatically? Are you there in your mind and heart? E: Express your passions by journaling or listing how you will embrace the challenge of turning your world into what you want it to be. S: Sense it. Use all your senses to create this manifested world where you oversee how you think, feel, and embrace it. T: Teach others that manifesting is a way of life. You have this world you have created already – what do you want that to look like today, tomorrow, and for years to come? Feel as if you are with that partner; you have been dreaming of someone you already know or who may be within reach. Close your eyes and take the time and feel in your heart, mind, and soul that you are there. Manifesting is not necessarily a new concept but a way of life. You may have done this through “envisioning” the way your life will/could be. However, when you manifest, you make it happen. Let’s get started with a few questions: · What does your soul want to feel? · How do you attract and surround yourself with people that bring you up? · Are you living in the moment and thinking there is a way to create the life you want? · What is the number one thing you want to manifest? Person, place, or something. · Where do you see yourself, and what will bring you happiness? Now go Manifest! Xoxo Erin

As I mentioned in our last blog post, sometimes you can travel with zero troubles, no worries, and feel safe. And while I have had safe vacation solo trips before, unfortunately I did not recently. However, there are plenty of places and ways to feel content and peaceful. Most resorts that a solo male or female travel to have everything you need to feel like you can let your guard down and relax. Here is a list of the top vacation destinations for solo travelers: 1) Bahamas 2) Belize 3) St. Lucia 4) Australia 5) U.S. Virgin Islands So what do you need to know to keep yourself safe and sound when traveling alone? Always share your travel plans with your family and a good friend or two. Make sure you can acquire an international phone plan to be able to call out at any time (some places have zero services). Do not tell people you are by yourself unless it’s a fully vetted source which can lead to people looking for you, or if you tell, they may look out for you. Secure your most important possessions in a place or safe that locks. Bring pepper spray or a whistle if you get into a dangerous situation. Do not go outside of your chosen resort UNLESS you are with others. This is a very sticky situation. You want to explore, yet I beg you not to do this alone. Get social. Just because you are on a solo trip doesn’t mean you are all alone; there is a world of people to meet and introduce yourself to. Research the ins and outs of where you are going. Look up the latest news in that area and past news so that you are in the know. Buy insurance for your trip. In case you find yourself feeling unsafe, you can get out early. Stash your cash in a safe place. Enjoy yourself, however, do not leave a drink on its own as you may end up with something in your drink you did not expect. Make sure your passport is always secured if traveling outside the United States. A significant tip I learned on my most recent trip is to turn on VPN for all your devices. These examples are only the start of many ways to stay safe. We want you to know that you can go solo and return relaxed and refreshed. Just make sure you keep your bearings intact and enjoy! Until next time, Erin

I recently traveled on a much-needed vacation to the Dominican Republic and was sexually harassed. What seemed like a great and safe idea turned upside down quickly once I arrived at an island nation I had fallen in love with just a year ago. And the harassment didn’t happen just once; it happened four times over seven days. I felt lost and very unsafe. I was approached and then cornered by a beach vendor who went on for an hour telling me how beautiful I was, how he wanted to kiss me, how I made his heart flutter, he was chocolate, I was vanilla, let’s have a great time together, asking me “have you been with a Dominican man before?”, I will show you a great time, on and on and f***ing ON. And if he lost his words for English, he translated into his phone. When I read what he was saying I was in shock. This strong woman I am felt extremely violated. The resort did not have security on the beach as they should, and I was told they could not control the vendors. Really? You cannot keep your guests safe? That made zero sense to me when I relied on this resort to not only ensure a pleasant stay but protect my well-being. Then it happened again with another man, then again, then again. I resorted to reporting this to the person assigned to my room, who then turned it over to a supervisor, who then taped a conversation about the instances and more. However, during this conversation, I was told well that is their culture, and the country is still developing. Wait, WHAT? WHY does this matter? It is not my culture to have men this aggressive hassling me. I’m certainly not naïve enough to not know that women and men get harassed repeatedly but does that mean it's OK? Does that mean a different culture justifies sexual harassment? No, it does not, and I feel violated that they thought explaining the culture would ultimately keep me around and feeling safe. I spoke with family members about the situation and while some tried to understand the culture thing, others – me included – were like, what the hell? There were some very nice fellow vacationers I had met who tried to intervene and rescue me, yet there was no hope it seemed. I could not get out of the situation fast enough, so much so that I cut my trip short, hopped on a plane and headed home. My uneasy gut told me it was time to get out of this country where they apparently justify sexual harassment toward Americans. WTF? Sadly, I now have a very bitter taste for DR. A far cry from my prior trip there when I stayed at a sister resort and not one problem occurred. It was peaceful and friendly folks continuously were checking on me as a woman traveling solo. That made this year’s trip so absolutely appalling. When you need to get away from it all, a vacation where you can breathe and have peace of mind you so desperately want, you should feel as if you can do so. From now on, I may never travel alone; that’s how traumatic this has been for me. I will probably go with a friend or two. And even though I met some wonderful guests – after they saw what happened to me, I had a tribe looking out for me – I was still unsettled and didn’t want to leave my room at night for fear I could be the next victim thrown in a closet and beaten, which I have now learned shut down this same resort a few years ago. See story here: http://bit.ly/3zA4FA2 . This is NOT OK in any way, shape or form and my next blog will focus on how to stay safe when traveling alone. Stay true to yourself and your safety, Erin